I'm not really sure where to start with this one. There's a lot of emotions for me that infiltrate this day. I'm over 7,000 miles from my own children, and the loss of my father just 2 years ago is ever-present. And how does one navigate explaining his feelings about what it means to be a dad? Do those feelings even have words adequate of their description, or would trying to apply language to feelings be a disservice. If I had that answer, I'd be writing books instead of hanging out in Baghdad.
As a child, and under normal circumstances, the definition of love is what you feel for your parents. But the second you hold your own child, and witness the miracle of creation, is the moment love is truly defined. As I explained in my last blog post, that day for me is a day I will never forget. When you become willing to give your life, to do anything required to protect and bring happiness to the life of another, that is the point when you truly understand what it means to love. A very popular book once touched on that concept, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends".
I cannot explain what it is I feel for my kids. They are the reason for my existence, the reason I have for waking everyday. I would do anything for them. They are each phenomenal in their own way. Individually, they bring a light to my life that I could not find elsewhere. The conglomeration of their unique qualities is more than I could have ever imagined. Each is perfect....and together......well.....their impact in my life is infinite. There is no greater calling on this earth than that of parenthood.
The rest of this entry is my speech from my dad's funeral. I still live with a tremendous amount of anger knowing God took my dad from me. Not withstanding, this pretty much sums up what being a father means to me. If I'm only ever half the father he was, I'll be twice what I am.
As I considered what I wanted to share with everybody today, many thoughts crossed my mind. Ultimately, the final decision rested upon one simple question, “what would my father want me to say”? Hands down, he was the most humble man I have ever known. Incorporating that fact into my decision led me to what I have written down on this sheet of paper today. Ironically enough, we are here to talk about him, yet he wouldn’t want me to stand up here and do that. My goal this morning is to stand vicariously in his stead, and attempt to share with you the same things I think he would share.
Last June, my dad was first diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of the lungs. In very short time, his health began to quickly deteriorate. Thinking the end might have drawn nigh very quickly, I ventured back from Wyoming for what could have potentially been our last time together. I vividly remember one of the first conversations upon my return. As we sat in the living room, one of my children ventured upstairs. As dad watched their little legs traverse the wooden structure, I could see the tears well up in his eyes. I reached over and clasped his hand. Refusing to show me the weakness in his tears, he turned his face from me and began to speak. “I’m not afraid of pain or death….I’m afraid of what I’m leaving behind”, he said. With as much wisdom as a son could offer a father, I assured him that everything would be okay. I spoke to him not of the people that would be left behind, nor of this being the end of anything, but of the legacy that he began.
Not sure if you all noticed or not, but the Bucy family just so happens to be fanatical Green Bay Packer fans. That passion was instilled in us by my father. He exemplified countless characteristics of the most famed coach in NFL history, Vince Lombardi. I wanted to touch on a few of them today in hopes that dad’s character will not only have had an impact on us as his family, but will also inspire you all to be everything you are capable of being.
I was raised to believe that nothing less than perfection was acceptable. When I say “perfection” I don’t speak of flawless execution, but of exactness in effort. We cannot always control the outcome of events, but what we can control is our input. Coach Lombardi once gave a speech entitled, “What It Takes To Be Number One”, which just so happens to be my favorite of all time. In it he states, “Winning is not a sometime thing; it's an all the time thing. You don't win once in a while; you don't do things right once in a while; you do them right all of the time. Winning is a habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. Every time a football player goes to ply his trade he's got to play from the ground up - from the soles of his feet right up to his head. Every inch of him has to play. Some guys play with their heads. That's O.K. You've got to be smart to be number one in any business. But more importantly, you've got to play with your heart, with every fiber of your body. If you're lucky enough to find a guy with a lot of head and a lot of heart, he's never going to come off the field second.”(end quote).
I want to touch on 4 distinct topics that come to mind with regards to my father; character, commitment, integrity, and perfection. I’ll begin with character.
Character
One of dad’s favorite sayings is, “Remember who you are and where you came from”. The word “character is derived from ancient words that mean “engraved” and “inscribed”. These etymological roots imply something of deep importance. Character is written, inscribed, and engraved all over each of us. Everyone has character but not everyone is “OF” character. Character is founded on unchanging principles. It is our underlying core. It has unspoken power, it is solid and resolute….it doesn’t blink. It is not something that is handed to us, but must be forged though years of hard work and discipline. It is the culmination of years of choosing to act one way rather than another, of choosing truth over deception, respect over arrogance, compassion over cruelty. I have yet to meet another man “of” such great character.
Commitment
Whatever activities any of us kids decided to pursue (within the bounds of morality and legality of course), we were fully supported in. That said, we also understood dad’s expectation of complete devotion to the task at hand. He made sure we understood that total commitment meant accepting sacrifice, suffering, hard work and dedication - in other words, whatever it took. There was no loafing, goofing off, idiling, or phoning in sick. We were to give 100% effort 100% of the time and to inspire those around us with our own level commitment. Coach Lombardi once said, “I would say that the quality of each man’s life is the full measure of that man’s commitment to excellence”. (end quote)
Integrity
By definition, integrity is the manifestation of an unshakable set of principles – principles that you will not violate under any circumstance. My father always taught us that integrity was the only option. One reason he was able to encourage such effort was that he understood that he was making an even greater effort. He always lead with integrity, demonstrating the same commitment he expected of us. Dad had an intangible ability to impress who and what he was, on the people around him. That meant he did what was right. He did what he said. He conformed to the values he espoused. His behavior was predictable, because he was consistent in his choices and his actions.
Chasing Perfection
As I mentioned earlier, perfecting individual effort was the standard. If anything was worth doing, it was worth doing right. Dad always encouraged us to reach beyond what we believed was possible. Though perfection may have been unattainable, encouraging us to only set the highest standards allowed us to surpass our own preconceived limitations. This level of excellence is achieved by the relentless pursuit of perfection. Again quoting Coach Lombardi, “If you settle for nothing less than the best, you will be amazed at what you can accomplish in your life.
While I was deployed to Afghanistan in 2013, I penned the following regarding my father on Father’s Day, “He is a stoic man....a man whose emotions remain undisclosed until he deems necessary. He is a man with hands of steel......a man whose touch for his daughter and grandchildren is soft as velvet. He is a man of great faith....a man who has made countless promises to the Lord on his family's behalf. He is a man of virtue....a man who stands for truth and righteousness at all times, in all things, and in all places. He is a man with an unbreakable heart....a man whose unbreakable heart I've broken. He is a man of great work ethic and dedication....a man whose hands of steel have been forged by the sweat of his brow. He is a man of order....a man who dedicates his life to his family, religion, and the Green Bay Packers...in that order. He is a man who leads by example....a man whose example I could follow and still only become half the man he is. He is a man of few words....a man whose message is not delivered verbally, but is communicated through his character. He is a man.....a man who has an undying love for my mother. He is a man....a man whom I am proud to call MY father.
In 2014, after a 7-year battle with cancer, long time ESPN broadcaster Stuart Scott succumbed to the disease. During his speech at the Espy Awards, he said, "When you die, that does not mean that you lose to cancer. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live and in the manner in which you live. So live. Live. Fight like hell. And when you get too tired to fight, then lay down and rest and let somebody else fight for you.” "Today, we choose not to say Ed lost to cancer at the age of 59…..instead we'll simply say that we all lost Ed."
In closing I want to leave you with the last paragraph of Coach Lombardi’s speech. He finishes with this thought…..“I don't say these things because I believe in the ‘brute' nature of men or that men must be brutalized to be combative. I believe in God, and I believe in human decency. But I firmly believe that any man's finest hour -- his greatest fulfillment to all he holds dear -- is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious."
